Part 2 of 2

How Can I Control My Anger?

1. Identify Your Beliefs and Values.

The first step is to gain at least some understanding of why you are getting angry. If you become angry in traffic, or when your children interrupt you or when a customer gives you a difficult time or when things do not go your way, ask the following type of questions to identify the source of your anger.

"What do I believe should have happened? Why?" "What does it mean if this 'bad thing' happens to me?" (Am I less important? Less secure? etc.)

"Why is this situation so important to me?"

"What do I believe my rights are in that situation?"

"As a ____ (husband, parent, employer, etc.), what responses should I be able to expect from other people?

"What role or privileges should be mine?"

2. Replace Worldly Beliefs and Value Systems with Godly Beliefs and Values.

This will require listening to God's Word and accepting its teachings as being true. It is one thing to simply read God's Word. It is quite another to embrace that message in one's heart as being the truth about the way that things really are. Consider the list of verses below and how they might affect one's value system if they are seriously taken to heart.

As a disciple learns to value what God values, human anger is cast off. Human anger results from placing too much value on something temporal. Because I can and do choose what I am going to regard as being true and valuable to me, anger is actually a choice, not something which must dominate me. A person's behavior (e.g. anger) will reflect what the inner person values.

What sort of biblical teachings will help one deal with anger? Those teachings, which will be of the most help are going to be those, which address the specific beliefs a person holds, which empowers his anger. Here is a brief sampling of the type of teachings on a wide range of topics, which may address the source problem of someone's anger:

"Do not pursue your own interests, but those of each other." Philippians 2:4

"... not seeking my own advantage, but that of others, in order that they might be saved." I Corinthians 10:33

"I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever strikes you on one cheek turn to him the other also." Matthew 7:39

"Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one's life does not consist in the abundance of possessions." Luke 12:15

"Do not love the world neither those things which are in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." 1 John 2:15

Paul encouraged Christians to give up their rights when by so doing they could be a blessing to the lives of others. 1 Corinthians 8-9 See also the example of Christ in Philippians 2:5-8.

Such teachings confront the "normal" way of living life, forcing us to make a decision about whether we will cross over the fence to join Jesus' way, or whether we will continue to insist upon our own fleshly centered lifestyle with its beliefs.

Did you notice that these verses directly speak about the sources of what makes you secure and somebody? Have you noticed that people love and are devoted to what they think will take care of them? (e.g. Money, Education, Health, Reputation, Relationships, etc.) Our behavior manifests what we are devoted to, what we serve, what we love. And what we love the most is a direct reflection of what or who we believe can provide and take care of us. The impact of taking Jesus' words to heart in Matthew 6:19-34 upon fleshly anger should be obvious.

3. Prepare Yourself for Expected Problem Situations

If you know that at the golf course you are likely to explode when the golf ball goes awry, or if you know that the morning commute is likely to set you off, or that a particular person seems to have a knack for causing you to exude rage, then you can prepare yourself for these situations. Armed with both an understanding of the beliefs and values fueling inappropriate anger as well as the beliefs and values which need to be adopted, a person is ready for the next step.

Visualize yourself responding to the problem situation with the appropriate thoughts and behaviors. Anticipate how that situation could cause you to become angry through what others might say or do.

Rehearse in your mind what you should think, say and behave. Repeatedly see yourself being successful in responding in a godly manner to that situation. By repeatedly preparing oneself mentally for the situation, this has the same effect as athletic training. When the time comes, the training will have better prepared you to respond deliberately and in a focused and appropriate manner. Each success or even partial success can provide steps toward growing into achieving the goal of living as God would have us.

Closing Thoughts...

Knowing how anger works will not solve the problem. A person must still choose to make those changes, which will result in diffusing fleshly anger. A person who never gets angry, does not care deeply about anything. A person who is angry all of the time may value the things of this world too much.

A person who constantly exhibits fleshly fits of rage has not yet had his heart molded in the beliefs and values of the Son.

A person who gets angry over those things, which anger God, values the things of God.

Copyright © 2001 Barry Newton (Revised Version 2003)